Since the last visiting update, we did a lot more visiting. Last Thursday, we had a chance to go visit Marshall. On our previous trip to California in May, we had a ‘bye’ party for him. At that time, his diagnosis was fairly recent (February or so) and he was still feeling up to that kind of visiting (i.e. away from his home and in groups). Things are a bit different now.
We arrived at his home in the evening. His wife, Joan, greeted us at the door. He was awake and fairly alert, sitting in his chair. It soon became apparent, though, that the pain medication he’s taking is slowing him down. Now, he thinks at roughly the same pace the rest of us think at.
I would just be guessing if I said we were there for about a half hour. The kids played with their bird and each other. Marshall and the rest of us talked. He gets tired more quickly now and it’s apparent that he’s deteriorating at an easily observable pace now. The chemo pretty much quit working a month or two ago.
He had been planning for many months to go on a trip to Europe and the middle east with Alan Schaffer, who is now the President of the Alliance for the Separation of School and State. At first, it appeared at least somewhat likely that he would be able to go. As time went on, it started to look a little more questionable. Finally a couple weeks ago, he decided not to go. Marshall gave his trip to Alan’s wife and he seemed at peace with that decision.
Despite his slowing condition, he was able to tell about some of the things he’s been up to. One of them is reconnecting with people of some sort of significance that he hasn’t talked to recently. I asked him if he’s been doing any writing and he seemed a little frustrated with his ‘not really’ answer. He has a fairly extensive bucket list which included writing, but it seems he’s focused more on trips (shorter these days) and visiting with people.
As he fairly quickly wore out, it seemed more likely that this would be the last time I see him alive. At this point, we don’t have a plan for another trip to California (we haven’t developed our 2009 travel plans yet) and a short-notice trip isn’t very likely, or at least not for the whole family.
When I asked him how much longer he thought he might live, he reviewed the history of his diagnosis and prognosis. In March, the diagnosis was confirmed and he (and the doctors) estimated 6 to 20 months. As time has gone on, those precious months have been consumed. Now, 6 months later, he has exceeded the low end of the range and his hunch is maybe another 4 to 8 months. And that might be in the ballpark. At the very least, we can be glad that he has done as well as he has and that we were able to see him again on this trip.
This has been a rough year for our friends. Marshall will be the third in roughly a year (possibly less) to pass away due to cancer. I hope that’s the end of it for a while…
V-
Praying for Marshall and his family
Marshall has been in our prayers quite often and especially since we heard of his update. I’m sure you have heard the phrase, “Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart”. I know Marshall is a true friend to you and too many others. I’m glad I had the opportunity to actually meet Marshall and talk to him for a bit. In the last couple of years I have learned a lot about him through you, Edi and your parents. Marshall reminds me of the poem by James Foley. He is the pebble that will continue to send ripples through our lives. That poem starts out like this…
Drop a pebble in the water: just a splash, and it is gone;
But there’s half-a-hundred ripples circling on and on and on,
Spreading, spreading from the center, flowing on out to the sea.
And there is no way of telling where the end is going to be.
Drop a pebble in the water: in a minute you forget,
But there’s little waves a-flowing, and there’s ripples circling yet,
And those little waves a-flowing to a great big wave have grown;
You’ve disturbed a mighty river just by dropping in a stone.
I truly think what matters in this life is more than ‘winning’ for ourselves. What matters in this life is helping others ‘win’ or move forward. Marshall seems to have done that over the course of his life and I know the people he has touched will help his words and wisdom continue to send ripples throughout not only their lives but through the lives of everyone they know.
This is yet another reminder to me that the reason that we are on this earth at all is to be of service to each other. Christ said it best when He said, “Greater love hath no man than this, that he lay down his life for his brother (friends).” John 15:13 You have to live life to it’s fullest each and every day, not only for the betterment of yourself but for others. After looking over Marshall’s accomplishments and endeavors once again, he seems to have done this over the course of his life and through his memory, will continue to do so.
I look forward to hearing many more memories about him and his accomplishments in the years to come.