In the “Varrin thinks too much” department, several experiences over the last couple of weeks (including the training and the jazz) have refreshed some of my already-established views about the human will, achievement and ability, especially differences in innate ability or characteristics. At the same time my thinking has been challenged. I don’t think it’s truly new thought that has popped into my head, rather some observations have simply floated up to a more conscious level. This is a very rough summary of some of those thoughts.
Without taking the pages and pages to write it all out (as rough as that would be), this is the paradox: 1) people are are all the same, they’re people, (see Gen 1:26) and 2) people are all unique, they’re different individuals with different sets of characteristics, some overlapping, but never identical. This paradox affects how people treat each other. It seems many people don’t recognize these two opposing ideas as both existing and both being true at the same time. Many seem to emphasize one or the other.
For me, this comes up when I consider how to treat people, all of them who I have the opportunity to interact with, regardless of their ‘uniqueness’. On one hand, I hesitate to make value judgments like “better” or “worse”, especially when associated with ability or (innate) characteristic. I prefer to look at people as people, not good or bad at something or another. On the other hand, it’s hard to avoid comparing specific characteristics with other people.
This last couple of weeks, I’ve had encounters with those differences in innate characteristic and they haven’t all been entirely comfortable. People are often perceived as looking better or worse, or more or less smart, better or worse athletes, and so on. Some people feel as though they’re not any good at anything. Some are narrow; they’re great at one thing and not really interested in anything else. Some people seem to be good at lots and lots of things.
I don’t find it that difficult to evaluate a specific performance. Saying “that wasn’t good” is honest and doesn’t mean it’ll never be good. But to evaluate a person ala “she isn’t good at that” is generally not my style (at least when talking about other people). When we’re talking about natural ability, it’s all the more difficult for me. I try to love people regardless of how talented they are (see Mt 22:39).
I guess where the rubber meets the road here is when I’m in the position where I have the opportunity to encourage or console or otherwise impact someone and they feel like a failure, whether it be at one thing or a lot of things. Usually, it’s clear, at least to me, that they’re not a failure at everything, but sometimes they think they are. When such a person is undeniably not good at something they want to be good at or tried to be good at, I simply don’t know what to do. I try to say nice things (I’m trying not to compete for Simon Cowell’s job), but I feel like no amount of nice words is good enough.
How do you sincerely communicate to someone that they are valuable and worthwhile even when they aren’t as talented or handsome (or pretty) or smart or skilled as others? Maybe even more importantly, how do you communicate it in a way that they will receive it?
In writing this, I’m afraid I haven’t expressed it as clearly or correctly as I can, but it’s a first rough draft anyway. I’m sure someone will have something to say on this one……
V-